Monday, August 30, 2010
R&R
"Tough times never last; tough people do"
Right now, I hate R&R. I wish it didn't exist. Ask me how I felt about R&R two weeks ago, I'd probably have a very different opinion. I definitely needed to see him but having him ripped away after 2 weeks is quite possibly the most painful thing I have ever gone through. Shane doesn't understand where his daddy went again but I can tell he knows something is up. Feeling like a family was the happiest I've been this whole year. I loved being able to do just the simple things with them, getting coffee was exciting.
And now we're back to being just the two of us. 56% done. I need time to keep flying...
I will write a full detail of R&R when I'm not feeling so blah.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Feelings
Does anyone ever feel like their feelings aren't respected? Like the way you are feeling is wrong and that somebody always makes you feel guilty for feeling that way?
Please tell me someone does so I'm not in this alone.
I wish some people would understand that MY feelings are MINE. They don't have to agree with them or even like them, but they need to realize they are mine and I have every right to feel the way I do. I don't expect sympathy or for you to side with me, just don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way.
I try SO very hard to be nice to everyone, to go out of my way, and to be an overall good person but there comes a time when I've been shot down, pushed around, and ran over so many times than I am just done. I can only do so much and feel so many ways without hitting that dead end. I'm at that dead end now and not only does it suck, its just plain uncomfortable.
Because of being shot down so much, I have a hard time communicating how I am feeling because I am sick of hearing "you're wrong" or "that's just stupid". Essentially I feel like you're calling me stupid. Why on earth would I keep on wanting to expressing myself then?
So that's where I'm at right now. Frustrated beyond belief and just tired.
Please tell me someone does so I'm not in this alone.
I wish some people would understand that MY feelings are MINE. They don't have to agree with them or even like them, but they need to realize they are mine and I have every right to feel the way I do. I don't expect sympathy or for you to side with me, just don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way.
I try SO very hard to be nice to everyone, to go out of my way, and to be an overall good person but there comes a time when I've been shot down, pushed around, and ran over so many times than I am just done. I can only do so much and feel so many ways without hitting that dead end. I'm at that dead end now and not only does it suck, its just plain uncomfortable.
Because of being shot down so much, I have a hard time communicating how I am feeling because I am sick of hearing "you're wrong" or "that's just stupid". Essentially I feel like you're calling me stupid. Why on earth would I keep on wanting to expressing myself then?
So that's where I'm at right now. Frustrated beyond belief and just tired.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Bad blog mommy!
I have seriously been neglecting my duty as a blogger lately and been posting super short posts really with not a huge update on life! So I guess from taht you can deduct, its been a pretty hectic last few weeks! So here goes the fill in:
Shane had his 15 month old check up last Friday. He is 34 inches and 26.4 lbs! BIG BOY! He is golden on all the physical movements he's supposed to be doing but I addressed my concern about how little he talks. He was a late babbler when he was a baby so I don't know if this is following that pattern but I'd much rather be safe than sorry and if he is having trouble talking, I want to get it check out ASAP. I've decided to call Early Intervention and have him evaluated to be on the safe side. I'd much rather be overly cautious on this than denying he might have some trouble and letting it go too far. Best case scenario is that he just needs a push in the right direction and I need some tips to help him and worse case is there is actually a developmental issue but at this age it will be a much better outcome if he is diagnosed and we get him in with a speech therapist. He is smart, that I cannot deny. He figures things out quickly and has already shown an interest in puzzles. He brings me objects when I ask for them and he shows desire to want to communicate with me. To be perfectly honest, my biggest fear is autism. Matt's youngest brother was diagnosed with Aspbergers 3 years ago so that is always in the back of my mind since we don't know what causes autism. So other than that, things have been great with my bug. He is growing SO much and learning to do new things every day! He LOVES to eat. I talked to Matt about it and his reaction was "My poor wallet". I guess its payback for his teenage years!
Speaking of the hubbs, we don't have much longer till R&R! Its definitely hitting me and the anxiety and anticipation has been driving me wild! I have been really trying to push myself during my work outs and trying to do something every day instead of every other day. I started tanning to fix my horrible tan lines from taking Shane in the pool. The next week or so I have everything planned out to what day I get the car washed (which HOPEFULLY will be fixed by Tuesday) to getting my pedi/mani. I am trying my hardest to stay busy which has been a struggle since I do have a lot to do just not really things I want to do. School has been kicking my ass lately. I have NEVER had a class where I've had so much work to do in such a short period of time not to mention I have to have my finals turned in early since the weekend they are due happens to be when Matt and I are away in Maine with NO internet connection (not that I'm wanting to bring a laptop anyway :) ). So in the next say week and a half I have to do three weeks worth of school work including two final projects and get myself ready for seeing my husband again for the first time in 6 months. I need a drink just thinking about it!
Update on my poor Corolla: The other driver was found negligent in the accident so I paid no deductible and it didn't affect my insurance rates. I was so thrilled when i got the copy of the police report that he had placed her at fault even though no citation was issued at the scene. So right now my baby is being fixed but the adjuster made some mistakes and not all of the parts were ordered to fix it so now I am waiting on the supplement from the other drivers insurance. I dropped the car off a week ago so I am getting anxious to have her back!
So really that's it for now! Stayed tuned...
Shane had his 15 month old check up last Friday. He is 34 inches and 26.4 lbs! BIG BOY! He is golden on all the physical movements he's supposed to be doing but I addressed my concern about how little he talks. He was a late babbler when he was a baby so I don't know if this is following that pattern but I'd much rather be safe than sorry and if he is having trouble talking, I want to get it check out ASAP. I've decided to call Early Intervention and have him evaluated to be on the safe side. I'd much rather be overly cautious on this than denying he might have some trouble and letting it go too far. Best case scenario is that he just needs a push in the right direction and I need some tips to help him and worse case is there is actually a developmental issue but at this age it will be a much better outcome if he is diagnosed and we get him in with a speech therapist. He is smart, that I cannot deny. He figures things out quickly and has already shown an interest in puzzles. He brings me objects when I ask for them and he shows desire to want to communicate with me. To be perfectly honest, my biggest fear is autism. Matt's youngest brother was diagnosed with Aspbergers 3 years ago so that is always in the back of my mind since we don't know what causes autism. So other than that, things have been great with my bug. He is growing SO much and learning to do new things every day! He LOVES to eat. I talked to Matt about it and his reaction was "My poor wallet". I guess its payback for his teenage years!
Speaking of the hubbs, we don't have much longer till R&R! Its definitely hitting me and the anxiety and anticipation has been driving me wild! I have been really trying to push myself during my work outs and trying to do something every day instead of every other day. I started tanning to fix my horrible tan lines from taking Shane in the pool. The next week or so I have everything planned out to what day I get the car washed (which HOPEFULLY will be fixed by Tuesday) to getting my pedi/mani. I am trying my hardest to stay busy which has been a struggle since I do have a lot to do just not really things I want to do. School has been kicking my ass lately. I have NEVER had a class where I've had so much work to do in such a short period of time not to mention I have to have my finals turned in early since the weekend they are due happens to be when Matt and I are away in Maine with NO internet connection (not that I'm wanting to bring a laptop anyway :) ). So in the next say week and a half I have to do three weeks worth of school work including two final projects and get myself ready for seeing my husband again for the first time in 6 months. I need a drink just thinking about it!
Update on my poor Corolla: The other driver was found negligent in the accident so I paid no deductible and it didn't affect my insurance rates. I was so thrilled when i got the copy of the police report that he had placed her at fault even though no citation was issued at the scene. So right now my baby is being fixed but the adjuster made some mistakes and not all of the parts were ordered to fix it so now I am waiting on the supplement from the other drivers insurance. I dropped the car off a week ago so I am getting anxious to have her back!
So really that's it for now! Stayed tuned...
Sunday, July 25, 2010
I just want him home
I've had enough.
I want my husband back.
I want to know he's safe and all his limbs are attached.
I want to feel his arms around me.
I want our family to be a family again.
I don't want my son having to point to pictures and say "dada". I want him to say "dada" to his daddy.
These last few weeks before R&R have DRAGGED on and I cannot find enough to keep me busy. I feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit. I have NEVER felt this anxious or stressed out in my life. I just keep praying for patience and peace.
I want my husband back.
I want to know he's safe and all his limbs are attached.
I want to feel his arms around me.
I want our family to be a family again.
I don't want my son having to point to pictures and say "dada". I want him to say "dada" to his daddy.
These last few weeks before R&R have DRAGGED on and I cannot find enough to keep me busy. I feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit. I have NEVER felt this anxious or stressed out in my life. I just keep praying for patience and peace.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Slave to schoolwork
I am busting my butt to get my degree finished so this is a typical image of me. If I'm not running or running after my little one, I'm camped out working on school work. I have 3ish weeks before all my finals are due which will just in time for the hubs to come home. Hopefully that will keep my motivated and focused... ya, right.
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